Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
