if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
