Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
