i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
