Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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