i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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