Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
