we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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