I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
