You just made me feel so damn special
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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