i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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