So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
