return my video game
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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