FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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