wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
