I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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