So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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