Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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