Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
