ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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