fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i think my cat just said my name.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
