Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
