Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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