1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
