I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
