i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
