The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
