Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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