something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
