My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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