Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
