Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
