Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
