I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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