I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
MIDGETS
????
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
