i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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