dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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