"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
