she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
