I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
