took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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