just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
