Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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