So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
