On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
