There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
