There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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