she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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