OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's shark week go big or go home
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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