I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
