A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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