I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize