we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
