god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
