Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
