did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I cockslap morals
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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