Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
