My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize