haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
