If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
