I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize