come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
