Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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