for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
